I Offer

After doing research (in July) so that I knew what I was choosing into when I make the offer, I decided that I wanted to take herbs to make my kidneys as youthful as I could, to hopefully let it last longer for my recipient, whom I now considered my friend. I still told no one, because I didn't want the opinions, horror stories, fears, or hero-making of others.

Other people's input or opinions didn't matter to me. God told me, not once but 3 times without my petition, that he would like me to do this. God is all about choice. I know that I am fully choosing this with my own agency. I know God would find someone else if I didn't choose in. I also know that blessings beyond my imagination come when I follow his promptings. When I don't, I miss opportunities, but am never punished. He offers opportunities, and I have found I am happiest when I choose the path he has offered me.

Mid to late August I decided to start herbal teas for my kidney, give it 3 months, then offer my kidney to my friend and start the process in November. Once again, I received a prompting that changed that plan instantly. The same day I bought kidney tea, I pulled in to my parking place at work and then felt the words, "Tell her now." What? "NOW." Just then she came out the door to leave work for the day.

My heart started racing and my hands were sweating. I was nervous, because I felt inadequate. I offer a kidney almost half a century old. She may actually not really like me after all. What if she rejects me, because she doesn't want a part of me with her all the time?

I stopped her on the tiny lawn just before the parking lot. "I need to talk to you.". Ugh, it sounded like I was ready to quit. Could I make an offer worse sounding? Yes. Yes I can. "I would like to know how to start the process of kidney donation. I'm not doing this to save you. I am not a hero. I don't even donate blood. I am doing this to follow a prompting. That's all."

Yah, that was meant to make her feel good. It was meant to make her feel secure that I wasn't going to back out. It was meant to make her feel secure that this time all the tests would be passed, because God said so. Then, as a back door I added, "I don't know if I am prompted for your sake or for mine. I might find out something about my health that I would otherwise find out too late, but I guess we will find out." FAIL.

How do you react to that? She was very composed. I sensed, however, a happiness inside her. That made me happy. She not only didn't reject my kidney, but somehow I gave her good news, and she was happy.

Not knowing why I was prompted to tell her NOW instead of in November, I decided not to take the kidney tea in case the prompting was to stop me in those tracks. A couple days later I found out that it may have complicated things, so I am glad I didn't pursue that path. However, after talking with her (in November) I found out that the day I made my offer she had been having a particularly difficult weekend emotionally and was feeling hopeless, and my message was like a love note from God that helped her keep up hope. He was aware of her.