Emotionally

My husband is skeptical of this surgery, but he is supportive. He is worried about how it will affect us. To him, there is always a catch, and no one ever tells you the complete truth, so he is suspicious. However, he is supportive of my electing this surgery, but with his eyes wide open.

I knew I would need help for the first two weeks of recovery. I called my mom and dad, who live in another state, and told them I was calling to see if they would be able to help me, as I am choosing to have surgery to donate a kidney to my friend and need someone to take care of me from the time I am released from the hospital until my 2 week post-op appointment. Apparently, that news creates shock, but once they had some time to process what I had just said, they communicated their support. They probably would rather I not do something as drastic as elective surgery to remove a body part, but they support my decision for this worthy cause, and they will be here when I go into surgery and take care of me for the next couple of weeks.

I found out through a short grapevine that my 7 year old just matter-of-factly told a friend that his mom was going to die. I told him that God told me to do this, and I don't believe He would be asking for that kind of sacrifice. The statistics are one donor death in 30,000 transplants; however, it is always a possibility, and if for some reason I do die, I truly believe it was part of God's plan for me to die at that very time. Don't worry, I won't die, but if I do, know that it was my time, and you will be okay, and I will be with you.

I have let people know about this surgery only on an as needed basis. At first I wanted it to be a secret. I had hoped to get away with this surgery without anyone knowing. Then I realized that is not fair to my tiny friend (and hopeful recipient), and it was equally not fair to my parents. So, no more is it a secret, nor have I posted it on Facebook. I am surprisingly private. I have no problem telling anybody anything if they ask or I feel there is a need, but other than that I just see no reason to tell people. I am not doing this for an excuse to be taken care of or so that people like me more or anything like that, so why cause stress in anyone's life?

The day I mailed in my application, the rest of the day I felt heroic. I knew it would pass, and it did, but I allowed myself that moment. It wasn't my reason for donating, and it came as a surprise, but I figured it is one of the myriad of changing emotions I would experience, so I just let it happen without judgement on it. The next morning it was gone, but my feeling about my reason for surgery had altered. Now I was excited for my tiny friend, and I felt honored to be allowed to serve her in this way.

I had decided that if I was not a match for her, I would donate in behalf of her in a donor match, also known as a chain. If I was rejected for her because the panel didn't believe my motives were pure (or if they thought she was coercing me, which she wasn't) I knew God knows all and had a purpose for my doing this, so I would either wait and offer my kidney to her next summer after I hadn't worked with her for 6-8 months, and if that didn't work out I would offer live donation for the next person on the waiting list. I am committed to this! 

After experiencing the panel's concerns for my health first, I have changed my drivers license status as organ donor at death.

The hardest thing for me to face was the Advance Directive, papers I need to fill out about who will be my voice and what my wishes are, should I become permanently damaged and kept alive by machines, unable to communicate and even unable to recognize my loved ones. I don't really want to look at the possibility in the face.  If death occurred or a situation like this, that could possibly turn my family, possibly others, and maybe several generations against organ donation or worse, against God. Also, you can't predict all the possibilities of what could go wrong. Who could I trust to understand me enough to make the decision I would make? You would think my husband is first choice, then my mom is second. However, there are things I will not mention in this blog for my choice to choose someone who would lose less than a wife or daughter. I chose someone else, with both of their support in this decision. Someone who loves me to pieces, understands me probably better than anyone else besides my daughter (whom I would never make do this), but who could remove himself enough to pull off my wishes and, if needed, talk to his father and grandparents and make a balanced and smart decision. My oldest son, who is 25 years old.

With every test, I felt a stronger and stronger desire, almost a desperate desire, that I pass for my tiny friend's sake. I feared that the panel of surgeons and social workers wouldn't let me do this for her, because she was my boss, and they said they couldn't prove there was no coercion. I quit my job, because I was going to anyway after her surgery, which would hopefully now be mine as well. Toward the very end of all the tests, I emotionally HAD to pass them for her. I wouldn't know how to tell her, if I didn't pass a test.

I passed them all!!! The panel decided my reasons for donation are altruistic, my kidneys are normally shaped, and I have no cancer, heart issues, or infectious diseases! I was giddy when I got the news!!! I squeeled and jumped up and down like a tween girl!!! I happy danced!!! I was hyper all day!!! I was so happy and relieved for her!

I wanted to tell her in a couple of days which was her birthday, but how could I keep that info away? So I texted her when I found out, at about 7 am. Later that day I went in to my former work to buy something. Turns out that WAS her birthday!!!! I am so happy that I did not wait!!!

Now that I am looking at surgery in 2 weeks, there's a small part of me somewhere inside that is becoming a bit nervous.  It seemed to start after I read about 3 donors whose health were affected for the worse for the rest of their life, but I find comfort in knowing that even they don't regret donation and would do it over again.

Paired Exchange Program

If you are considering, or desiring, donating your kidney to a friend who is incompatible, the paired exchange program is worth looking into. It's an ingenious miracle program!

I was told that once all the tests were completed, we could set an operation date, often within just a couple of weeks.  I was really hoping that meant we'd be able to be scheduled for after Christmas and before New Years Eve, just because I was excited for my tiny recipient to start feeling better. When I asked, they said that normally it might be that soon, but 1) that's when a lot of people want to schedule surgeries, because they're taking the time off work anyway, and 2) there was a six-kidney-exchange happening then, which was very exciting!  You only need one compatible pair, if one is found truly compatible both ways, but they will link however many is needed to complete the circle so that everybody wins.

A kidney exchange happens when a recipient has a willing donor, but the donor's kidney is not compatible with their chosen recipient, usually because of an incompatible blood type. For instance Type O blood can donate to every other blood type, but they can only receive Type O blood.  Type AB can receive from any blood type, but can only give to Type AB.  The coordinators find one or more of these type of recipient/donor pairs until they have the perfect linkage (like a chain circle).

This group had been waiting for the missing link for several months, and that link showed up, so they scheduled them in right away. That doesn't mean that all the recipients and donors were in the same hospital at the same time, but it does mean that the doctors had to be coordinated in order for kidneys to be transported in the right order. I think they did have a full 2 pairs (that's 3 kidneys and 4 people in surgery, scheduled for our hospital that day.

More information about Paired Exchange Programs can be found at http://www.matchingdonors.com/life/index.cfm?page=p030